"
maybe school can help you get away from these stuff for awhile,before it gets too much."
hell yeah it did, although it was only for the last 30minutes that i was in school. right now, if i ever had selective memory loss, it'd still be much better, because i'd only remember the small school and my friends. (or even stress from stressed-out parents would have been better.)
i wasn't ready to face today, and i really wished that yesterday was just another nightmare that were oh-so-real. i didn't want to face anyone, i didn't want to have to say anything to anyone, and i think i entered school still feeling as if i was sleepwalking. i didn't want to break down or anything, and i pretended as if it was one of those days, as one would say it. well, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. idk if this has made me stronger now, emotionally or mentally whatever, but in time to come, i know i won't be so easily brought down by what life has to offer.
truth is, i am just too weak. i am not so strong of a person as i made myself to be. the only reason why i'd break down isn't because of what has happened, but because i'm too weak to face all this. there's only so much words that i can say, and only so many things i can do for them. and i can only imagine how they are going through this too.
i went into that small room, thinking that i'd be fine, but whoever that went out of the room was definitely not me anymore. in the few minutes that i stood alone by her bed, it really changed me.
after school, i dreaded going home, more than ever. i wanted to be anywhere but near home, because if i ever do get home, i'm going to have to face it again and then get ready to go through the waiting in the lobby, sitting and wasting time and hoping that whatever the doctor's got to say is not going to get any worse than the last one.
anyway, special thanks goes out to the 2 wonderful girls. it was a big relieve knowing that friends like these do exist in your life, and when you need them, you have them anytime and anywhere. it helped, a lot. i didn't want to have to say it to anyone, but i guess i just had to let it all out. maybe things would get better, and maybe this isn't going to be as bad. and seeing how there are others who are suffering a much terrible fate than i am, and can still smile throughout the day, i think i'm going to be ready, for whatever. i guess you can never be too sure that someone is not going through a tough life nowadays, just because they're not talking about it.
p.s. idk what to say to you, but do know that i appreciated you being around that day. i guess i was a little bit ignorant, and i didn't know you were having your own fair share of despair. i just wish you'd talk to someone about something. i'm not saying it should be me, or even that you should tell me about it, but i hope you do know that we are here. we'd always have each other, and even if we're having our own problems, that does not mean you can't tell us about it. i'm not forcing you to do anything right now when you're still not ready, but i know you well enough. and i know behind that smile, and behind that sparkling eyes, and behind all this person that you appear as in front of us, is just another lonely soul who has got a lot on your shoulders, and a lot more on your mind that you'd want to get rid of. you have to do this on your own, and i don't want to intrude into your privacy, but you know yourself that you suck at handling such matters. if you can start by opening yourself up to someone, maybe it'd help you in trying to make whoever understand your situation better. i hope you'd find your peace soon, while i'd try finding mine as you've advice for, and right back at you: this is not good for you too.
will i be strong enough till this is done? will i finish strong?
(enter my name here)
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