Labels: the world as it is
(Forgive my foul mouth and excuse my angsty expressions.) Since I didn't want to terrorize or influence anyone with my personal opinions, I decided that this is the best place to just let it all out. Because saying it out loud to anyone is simply a waste of my breath and that it'll just make me look like I'm way too childish to even bother about the insignificant things in life. And fyi, simply out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to respect them enough and not spell their names out instead.
@!#$%^&**(*%$&#%^%^$*&^(*&!@#$%$()*&#$@#$%^*($@#%^&*(God, I'm fucking pissed!
I can't believe I know such assholes; I don't understand why such assholes even exist.
You cheap, pathetic bastard-face loser.Stop laughing and talking over the same old same old. Get over it already! Go do your quick socializing somewhere else please. You don't have to show off your interactive skills in front of me because I swear it's not even interesting or exciting. You are just way too caught up in the desperate need for attention.
p.s. FYI, your laughter (yes, both of you) sounds more like fake noises.
p.s.s. okay you can start up your usual self again since it suits you best.
(enter my name here)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Labels: the world as it is
What amazing lessons can life teach me in one day?
What mischievous things can life do to me in one day?
What shocking revelations can life show me in one day?
What have I learnt thus far?
Don't be a friend who happens to be a good girl,
but be a good girl who happens to be a friend.
Don't just learn to understand,
but to learn to accept it better.
Don't look at them in the eye,
but to stand in their shoes instead.
I know people may think that I'm way too sensitive at times, but these are just traits of me that I cannot and can never get rid of, even if I want to (which I do). The last time someone made me wait for half an hour, I nearly slapped his face when he finally arrived and then felt like going home. Today, I decided to embrace patience and ignorance. I know I can be excessively demanding or intimidating and I know even I make mistakes as such at times. But even if I do, how badly would I have done it makes that big of a difference. I'm not angry, neither am I specifically pointing fingers or mentioning names here, because I do not wish to be one that holds on to grudges. No, I move on.
And you know that feeling called guilty conscious? Today, I wish it never existed at all. When you forget to do it, you'd be asked why later - perhaps they felt like an outcast. When you didn't forget and did it, your efforts just seemed useless because there wasn't a single reply - perhaps they were too busy. When they said they'd come, they didn't say they'd be on time - perhaps it wasn't their fault. At the end of the day you learn one thing: this guilty conscious thingy - don't bother about it unless it concerns you.
Today, I finally realise what it means to really forgive and forget. And being only a human being, I realise I can never be able to do both. There have been too many times that proved this to me. I may be able to forgive but forgetting is a whole new issue. Similarly, I might forget about it but that may be because forgiving was simply out of the picture. As my mom would often say it: You make my blood go upstairs! Today, my blood didn't just go upstairs, it went straight to the roof!
I was looking through my secondary school daily planner and I came across these cut-out words:
People often screw up in their sincere and honest apologies that they intend to offer. Not because they forget to say the word itself, but they don't know what to do after that. Apologizing doesn't stop at just saying sorry, people! 3 steps in saying 'sorry':There are more than 6 billion people in this world, but it takes only one of them all to make you go from happy to unhappy. It takes that one person to make you be from a hedonist to a conservationist, from a dumbo to a thinker, from a jolly-good fellow to be the common enemy. And of all the things that hit me real hard today was when I remembered what my dear GP teacher said:
Rather than changing something that cannot be changed,
why not change something that can be changed - YOU?Back then, I wasn't really paying attention in his lesson, even though he was just right there in front of me. But when he said it, my daydreaming just happened to end at that same time. And since I didn't catch the reason why he said it, the words meant something else for me. Something someone should have mentioned before to me, something I never really thought of until now. Don't you see how funny inspirations can be?So, nurulshafienasbintesalleh, let this be a lesson to you today. Don't you always wonder how parents can be oh-so-forgiving? Don't you always want to feel how it is like to be at receiving end instead? Don't you think that you're actually nowhere near this good girl that you think you are? Today, life tested me when I least expected it. And when I reached home, I saw my dad sitting quietly on the prayer mat. As soon as he was done, I went up to him and kiss his hand and started asking for his forgiveness all over again.
Sabar and Ikhlas - Itu Islam, Fahri.
-Ayat-ayat Cinta
Having said all these, I wish to declare that I am not asking for anything from anyone.
World Peace!p.s. let enjoy your last moments of being 17!
(enter my name here)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I can almost die from the many hours of smiling, talking and laughing, that I'm too tired to change the current expression. it's like stuck there. I'm even more tired than running 2.4km! (okay maybe that's a little bit too much...) but go and try standing in the kitchen beside the sink for half an hour and do nothing but wash those dishes while entertaining the curious aunties of today who insists that I'm ready for life of the big M when I've yet to even enter adulthood- you'll know what I mean after that. but then again, i wonder if i'm not the only going through this phase. one family enters the house and I start to enter the kitchen. once they step into the kitchen, I'm already by the sink. lucky thing you have (surprisingly) reliable brother that can help to lighten the load. the things that you do once a year are definitely worth ignoring studies over for once!
oh and i realise that families that dress up according to colour themes look so much more united! but that doesn't mean those who dress up according to their individual preferences are no better! sometimes, you can be shocked at how some colours just make some people go OH-HOLY-HEAD-TURNING-SENSATION! but I thought my parents looked more vogue this year, something you'd (or even us children from Mars) rarely get to witness. of course, that doesn't mean that they throw themselves in front of the camera at any given opportunity. instead, ignorance is the way to go for them.
the other pictures for raya is in the camera and for now, I can't seem to remember where I kept the USB cable. this is worrying since my room is at its neatest, cleanest and spacious at this instance. at other times, i'm way too ashamed to mention its state.
comments from members of the family:
(before spring cleaning)
Father: Kalau Pasar Geylang tu belom renovate pon lagi kemas! Tapi sejak Pasar Geylang dah renovte, rupenye bilik ni la yang jadi penggantinya.
Mother: Tak boleh ke kite panggil contractor kat Geylang to upgrade tanah terbiar ni? Kalau contractor untuk lift upgrading ni pon boleh. Suroh die tebok pintu buat lift sekali.
Elder Brother: Eh takpe la bilik die macam gini... Raya nanti, kalau orang datang rumah kita, dapat free entrance to Zoo! Kalau malam, jadi Night Safari! Ini confirm ada species binatang yang belom diketemui lagi!
(after spring cleaning)
Younger Brother: Mami ada buat land reclamation eh?
Mother: Tak, tapi tadi ada ribut datang angkut semua sampah sarap yang ada kat dalam bilik tu aje.
so as we clicked and clicked more memories, and showered each other with more love and care, I can only thank God for this overflowing love that is going around as I see it with my own eyes in disbelief but with much pleasure and contentment. some things are definitely impossibly replaceable. big families with even bigger hearts are my way of life.
speaking of my ideal way of life, I've always wanted to live a life in a dormitory, without the useful presence of parents. I need to learn to be more independent and oh, feminine. this includes the many characteristics of a mature young lady that I seem to lack or have no interest in developing any.
but then again, maybe all I need is a younger sister - inference from a younger cousin's way of life and experience. Seriously, she is more responsible than I was at her age! thinking back, I was really pampered then (and even now actually)!
and finally to comfort my disappointed self and even more sad heart, I decide to pamper myself with some Big Bang videos and Family Outing series. this is the consequence of thinking I wouldn't fall asleep when I know that I am already very tired and in desperate need of those precious beauty sleep.
Okay off to youtube! :)))(enter my name here)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Labels: the world as it is
While waiting for the big nuclear family to come from the western side of this tiny island, I decide to sit down and do a post before that whole lorry of monsters (big and small - literally) invade my Mars Home.Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
to my dear family and friends! Random thoughts: Even after all that, they still willingly forgive. Yet even after all that, we repeat the same mistakes and just keep on asking for forgiveness. I wonder what lessons were really learnt at the end of the day. Did I tell you that I'm a fan of Big Bang? Well cancel that. I'm officially a die-hard fan of Big Bang. Okay fine, their looks contribute to 70% of the decision. But oh well, I'm still a typical fanatic girl.Oh come on, you have to agree right?Videos I've been wanting to post up:
Take a look at those arms :)))
Ditched Choi Seung Hyun (TOP), Hello Dong Yong Bae (TaeYang).
Okay, way too much shafienas.
Back to reality, I'm still waiting for the guests, since a whole family had to go home yesterday when they arrived at my house at 10mins past midnight and we were already asleep. ('We' do not include me, so they saw my bedroom light that was still swiched on.)
Just from the first day, and I see 5 things that is very right about our big family:
Okay doks, I can hear the monsters screaming already, gtg! (Note to self: Will this be one of the last few posts before I officially stop all social activities/involvement with the outside world?)(enter my name here)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Labels: the world as it is
Today is Sunday, 13th September 2009.
6 days ago, someone tunred 9.
48 hours later, someone else turned 19.
In 10 hours, Prelims officially starts.
In 7 days, Hari Raya kicks in.
2 days later, Prelims unofficially ends.
In 12 days, Prelims officially ends.
In 2 weeks, it'll be Sunday 27 September 2009.
3 days later, my dad will be 3 years away from the big 60.
In 3 weeks and 2 days, mother will be 2 years away from the not-so-big 50.
But most importantly, in 50 days, A levels will be at my door to greet me.
(enter my name here)
Monday, September 07, 2009
Labels: the world as it is
Right now, life seems to be a road of no return. Your biggest enemy: Yourself. Once you lose hope, the only thing left is despair. Once you lose yourself, the end is not too far away. The sprint towards tomorrow - the never-ending sprint. Don't stop running even if you fall down. Don't give up even if you break. Don't look back even if you're scared. This is life, and the race has just begun. Say goodbye to fantasy-land, hello real world.(enter my name here)
Sadly enough, I may not be what I tell myself. Unfortunately, I already know I am not. My worst fear is not failure, neither is it my long list of shortcomings. It is being a disappointment - not for me, but the two most important people in my life.
But all in all, greed is good. For a full elaboration on that, do ask for my written-in-international-english essay for GP. Thank God, I read Nad's AQ.p.s. I've been too occupied about what is going to happen, that I forgot all about what is already happening.