<body>
the not-so-anonymous moi

Shafienas Salleh - 18 on going 19.
I believe that a girl can dream any dream she wants.

Laugh. Dance. Love.
That one day will come.

who said what here



3 cheers to yesterdays

November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010

adieu to you too

aminah
fatimah
fazari
haikal
haniffa
hazel
jannah
munirah
musfirah
raidah
safiah
wida


credits

Designer: x x
Image: x
Hosts: x x x
Resources: x x x x

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
joy to the world
12:34:00 AM

So this is it huh? The end of 2008 - and i'm rotting at home doing what? oh yes, why doesn't that surprise me? someone needs to tell me to get a life.

I can't believe it either -
I'm in serious trouble.
When I realise I was falling deeper,
I had already gone down far too deep.

I'm not bothered what you said;
but it's what your words meant.
Next time you be honest,
I'll won't buy it anymore.
Yes sir, I've learnt my lesson.
Secrets are truths hidden by cowards.
Sometimes, secrets should stay that way.
That's why they're called secrets.
To whom it may concern:
It's either I let my friends down,
or I go against my parents.

{Which one do you think I always end up doing?}
Hint: I'm the worst kind of friend and most boring person you'd ever meet.

Note to self: nurulshafienasbintesalleh needs to stop being a disaappointment to all or she might as well suffer from amnesia and stay at zimbabwe!

So have you learnt your lesson already?



(enter my name here)

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Monday, December 29, 2008
gossips and hot sips
12:35:00 AM

Sometimes, the simplest words to say are the shortest - sorry.
Sometimes, the best things starts with an end - goodbye.
Sometimes the greatest love stories are the ones we've never had - fairytales.


Funny how sometimes things aren't how they seem to be, don't you think?
I don't have answers either, but at least I don't answer questions with a question.
Silly me - I dreamt that I was nurulshafienasbintesalleh.

seriously, i have like a million things to say/share/blog/explain. how so unfortunately, i'm currently in no mood tonight. okay fine, maybe not just tonight whattheheck. maybe i'm the kind of person who just doesn't blog about her everyday doings like most of you bloggers but who cares? i doubt anyone actually pays attention. so i write stuff or rather words that i feel could make you understand me most, in other words, quotes for example but sometimes lyrics too. forgive me if i bore you too much if these oh-so-useless nothing-to-do-with-you-at-all posts. i didn't force you into reading, did i?

alright alright, so you people should know me too well by now that i'm a gossip girl. oh no please, stop those stares because i'm no bad girl. you do the talking, i'd listen. yes indeed, i love surprises. share it with me sometime. if not, we're still good. i'll still know one day.

to whom it may concern:
(this is the guideline for all you gossip girls - and boys - just in case you are in 'the crowd'. i'm not spelling names here, neither am i pointing fingers; myself included.)

1) Please do open your eyes and look around YOU.
2) Please don't say i didn't warn you if you get left behind.
3) Please don't let the cat out of the bag if you know where it is.
4) Please oh please, YOU can never be too sure unless you're IT.
5) Please pity me - I do not want to make enemies.
6) Please try to keep your gasps to yourself.
7) Please be patient and stop being so oblivious.
8) Please don't worry about stuff that don't deserve attention.
9) Please stop being THE attention every now and then.
10) Please stay behind the yellow line.

sheesh, is it me or is it hot in here? so many things to do so little time left. so many things to look out for, so little time to talk. come school reopens, you should start on your homework shafienas. or at least be busy, be very busy with your 'work'. and when you out there have things to tell or to confirm with, you know you can find me anywhere anytime. you know you love me, and oh your spicy secrets' safe.

p.s maybe, perhaps, possibilities & probabilities; they work like magic.
(enter my name here)

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Friday, December 26, 2008
fake those tears
8:50:00 PM

WHO AM I?
what do i really mean to you???
(oh i just felt giving that shoutout.)

Ucapkanlah kasih
Satu kata yang ku nantikan
Sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu
Mendengar bisikmu
Nyanyikanlah kasih
Senandung kata hatimu
Sebab ku tak sanggup
Mengertikan getar ini
Sebab ku meragu pada dirimu

p.s. be happy now, be happy you.
(enter my name here)

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Thursday, December 25, 2008
oh happy days
5:13:00 PM

alright, so how many more days to go before the big twozerozeronine? yes, 6 more days left. the number of days too that i have to complete 4 geography case studies. worried? not really. bothered? a little bit. panic? maybe tomorrow. scared? you have got to be kidding me.

i did some planning. i'll just do one case study per day and since i know there'll be some case studies which needs more time and research than others, they get two days max. but of course, i'm just planning. i'll leave it to you to guess if this plan really works for me. i'll update again in a few days time.

anyway, totally ignoring the many things that needs to be done by 31 dec 2008, i'm actually looking forward to 2009. 7 more days people. idk what this feeling is, but i think i like it. well at least, until school starts. maybe it's the thought that everyone has started school, and i've been given a week more to really say goodbye to the holidays.

speaking of the number 7, yes, idk what is it that got into me just minutes ago. i had shut down my computer, ate the late lunch and then tried to sleep. but then, i sat up again, and switch the computer back on and started searching for my all-time favourite videos. yes, se7en.

there he is. and no haniffa, (if you are reading this) it's not choy tong wuk. i know his name is somewhat pathetic (choi dong wook), but hey who damn cares?


you must have known/read/heard from somewhere about this boyfriend of mine. laugh out loud. he just impress me way too much. his voice, and his songs are just so amazing. i especially like this one, even the words meant alot. even when i can't really understand them then, it really felt like i had always known this song. my personal favourite, it can make me cry. beautiful, like magic.

song: I'll Do Well


I'm loving you, the words you just have to believe my small words that gets mixed up as a lie. I'm missing you, the words that sound like an echo; My small words that shout and shout into empty space Why do I... at first smile when I'm in front of you but when I turn around, why does it hurt? If I must be hurt, I'll endure the pain, even if I'm miserable and want to lean on you, I'll be patient. If I have to throw something away, I'll throw it all away without hesitation, even the last of my well-kept pride. Everything... even a little spec of memory that I won't forget I wonder if it's only a burden... I wake myself up from absent mind-ness. Our photo album with our fingerprints on it, I said it's the only thing that has my happy self in it. You once said that I was the only love in the world. Why can't you say it anymore? If I must be hurt, I'll endure the pain, even if I'm miserable and want to lean on you, I'll be patient. If I have to throw something away, I'll throw it all away without hesitation, even the last of my well-kept pride. Everything... A number that I can't even count (every night). I poured a handful (of just tears). I don't know whether it's time to comfort me or time to forget you, even if I have to act crazy, I want to yell that I love you. So that you can remember me among your many memories. I'll cherish the words 'I can wait' in my heart. I'll save and hold onto it until it wears out. If we can start again sometime in the future, I have one thing I want to tell you whole-heartedly... I'll do well...

oh oh and when he dance, i'll be blown away immediately. he just steals my breath, and make me want to dance with him.OMG, he's really one of a kind. especially this song, i can't sit when i hear it. you have got to see the ending.

song: Nan Arayo (i know)


then there's also his fashion sense. he always looks good and has this charming aura whenever he sings. i like it when he takes off his shades, like sugar rush. oh and i can practically know how he moves in this song. every moment of them all.

song: La La La


what about this video? the party song, another hit on my playlist. he is in the right kind of suit, for any guy who wants to charm any girl. seriously, just oh. and his smile, his hair, is simply OMG. when he sang the words at 1.35-ish and said 'stop', so did my heartbeat. let the music play, dance the night away.

song: All Night Long


next, i love it when he sings ballads. whenever i listen to this song, it's like the kind of feeling you get when miracles happen. yes, the voice. like he meant it, he sang and i listened.

song: Last of Diary


and this is dedicated to those faithful, loyal lovers. his expressions, his tears, and his stares - what words can i use now? speechless, just amazed and stoned.

song: Come Back To Me 2


and get this, he's just not into korean songs. he has some great japanese songs too. even when i don't really like to hear it when the people converse in this language, idk what came over me during this song. this is the one song i'll play every time i switch on the computer. never got tired of it, never got bored, always touched and often found myself singing along. i used to depend on the words, now i can just sing my way through the chorus.

song: Aitai (want to love you)


speaking of japanese, i finally found a japanese boyfriend. fazari, (if you are reading this) it's yamamoto yousuke, not yakamura yousogay. ohmygod, idk whether i should smack your head or laugh along.


idk what else to put up, so i'll just post the pictures of yesterday. i'm feeling so attached to them and i really can't wait to meet up again in January. maybe that's why i can't wait for the big 2009. yesterday's goodbye could have been better, and i could have been more prepared for the shit 'last session' speech. you know like the feeling of graduating, like you can tell this story a milli0on times to anyone, yes it's something like that for me about them. now i know how some people can just walk in and out of your lives, and how they can really leave their footprints behind without you realising it.

too bad, not all MJC-ians can be there. what do you expect? it was Christmas eve. idk what they say to the others, or what they said amongst themselves, but from this picture, i know they enjoyed themselves. that's nice, just sweet. { i can imagine raidah, nadirah and fadilah looking out for someone.}

Group 1
Mr Lee: what time can you come? 3pm?
Ayah: 3pm cannot ar, i working. 5pm can?
Mr Lee: 5pm cannot, i go jogging.
Ayah: then what time?
Mr Lee: 5.10pm?
Ayah: i cannot. 5.30 lah.
Mr Lee: eh i cannot late late. how about 5.35pm?
Ayah: err can la, can la.

Ayah: ok la, i won't come back late again. nak chocolate?
Adik: chocolate tu tak penting (insert the pity, sad face here)...

{again, who's face are you looking out for? a familiar stranger, or an unknown friend? okay la, raidah yang ni boleh tahan la muke si dia tu - tak padan kecik.}

Group 2
Their favourite line: Alaahh... tapi...
you know with that sad tone and the stupid face. merepek sia, so irritating. and oh the peace sign, the belo smile and the freeze-rewind. and what about the 'betol-betol-betol' with the little boy's voice? they are super funny, but not in front of the teachers! when we were practising, thought they were just brilliant, superb! ohwells. i didn't know the narrator joined my group. i think because he was first attached here.

Group 3
Kamil: What's this?
Bob: just take ar. Shake shake (shakes his head)

Kamil: eh what time to meet? 8pm?
Bob: 8pm cannot, nak tengok berita la. 8.10 ar.
Kamil: ok.

okay okay, not really the details that i wanted to share. but whattheheeck.

i was supposed to start on the 1st case study, but yes, you know what happens. maybe later tonight, or even better, tomorrow.oh come on, what can the school do to me?

p.s if you should know, or if this ever makes any difference, i'm scared too. i don't want to either, but this is about you. next time it won't be a 'why?', it'll be just a simple, plain 'okay.' that is, if there'll be a next time. you really can't see how much this hurts, can you? you ignorant asshole.

(enter my name here)

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Wednesday, December 24, 2008
au revoir
10:28:00 PM

It sucks to know i'm a liar,
who spreads and tells the truth -
epecially when you said it.
as i stumbled upon yesterday,
and tripped on my way to tomorrow,
today ended with the worst-ever-tumble.


MWH-MJC CIP
-more pictures and details some other time.

{i'm definitely not in the mood to blog about today, though i do have many things to say about it and can't wait to share it with you people, if anyone ever reads this shit blog. but yes, i'm just too sad already about this ugly truth after hearing it myself. just some preview: the ambitions, the not-found-in-the-script, the funny short lines and oh the bonding-along-the-way as well as the games like huh-what?!}

(enter my name here)

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Sunday, December 21, 2008
yes, i've known
9:10:00 PM

okay so how long was it since i've blogged? can't remember too, but whattheheck. i was either too busy sleeping or going out.

i'm getting really nervous now that i know my assignments - actually just geography - are still not done yet. like seriously, when am i really going to start? you can't blame me, i've been too busy tempting myself will all this cheap sales going around. it's seriously everywhere. well at least, everywhere i know. but no, i do not have any money, like i'm really spelling broke here. i need to get that tattooed on my forehead so people will chase me out of their shops so i won't buy anything in the end. okay, no point in moving on here.

so anyways, this week has been practically busy with the MWH CIP. this is the one CIP i think i had benefited a lot more than i expected since God-knows-when. it really does. i went in there thinking that this is just another CIP that i need to do to get my hours. but at the end of the first day, i found myself wanting to go there every session, even when i'm actually lazy. these people really make me wake up. they may seem like your usual macam-paham kind of mat, but they're really really really nice.

even though we started out with awkward silences and sarcastic laughs, we got along more after every session. i learn more about them and seriously, they touched me with their stories. oh yes, innocent faces do lie, but it's the fact that they want to change. if i were to go around asking, i think most of them would not want to share their experiences. they'd be willing to tell quietly, but not to the world. one thing that they do want the world to know is that they really really do want to change. they don't want people to think that just because they've entered here, doesn't mean they'd still be the same when they get out. oh no, i trust them.

sometimes when they'd confess to the things that they do, i was shocked. maybe more than that, just by looking at their faces. but i think it must take some great courage to admit your mistakes and tell it to some stranger you know just days ago. the kind courage that is really rare nowadays. the last time i met someone like this, i fell in love with him.

moving on, after today's session, i went out with nadirah and fazari first. nadirah had to pick up some stuff somewhere. just wrapping things up since i'm in no mood to explain stuff, there was the interrogation session, the what-happened-to-your-shades moment and oh the we-can't-find-the-mrt time.

after that, fazari and i went ahead to meet up with diyanah who was already waiting for us and then haniffa cam and finally joined by haikal. this was supposed to be a diyanah-shafienas-went-out kind of meeting but then somehow it became a reunion. of course, by nature we laughed and joked and cam-whored and oh bitched along the way. i wasn't in the mood to lepak, but then i didn't want to waste the time spent with them. or at least i didn't want them to think that i wasn't enjoying time. the cramps was seriously a bitch! so along the way there was also the wave-to-the-tourists time, the let-me-tell-you-about-shafienas'-shades (which is so tak perlu paham ak?), the get-off-the-pot moment and oh the gone-shopping-without-money kind of thing.

i bought this bag with Japanese words on it. i don't know why but they just appeal to me. and i am so buying another bag, the shirt, the shoes, the earrings, the blouse, the hat, the scarf, the ring, the liquid eyeliner, the jeans, the hoodie. and and and oh the OMFG nice vest.

to mom: marry me off to a billionaire so i can cheat him off his money, okay?


the day could have been more lively and enjoyable and oh-so-crazy-all-the-way, other that my sudden giler-giler-dah-hilang-akal-sod moments, if it's not for my irritating cramps. it's like i needed to sit, but i have to continue walking to forget the pain. exactly, whattheheck. nah, no picture sot day. it must be the damn laziness. yes, the same laziness why i've yet to do my assignments. (uurrrrggghh i'm so not ready for school.)

okay, that's it for the this-is-my-day post. but oh no, i've yet to sign off. i just need to say this shit. i can't really explain what this is, so just bear with me okay you darling human. if not, you may leave when you're done. i don't need you to go on. really.

i seriously don't know -
what is it about you
why is it i let you to
when is it this happened
where is it i went wrong
how is it you do this thing

you just impress me and then
make me loathe you even more.

i'm just tired.
i'm too weak already.
i'm going to sleep right now,
wake me up when you've come back.

(enter my name here)

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Friday, December 19, 2008
23.34 pm
11:21:00 PM

I feel like
S-H-I-T;
maybe even
worse -
like I'm fucking useless and pathetic.


idk how you can even do this to me;
treating me like I'm some bloody rubbish.


p.s this hatred will just continue to grow and grow; and i can't stop it.

(enter my name here)

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RADIOS picnic
2:00:00 PM

okay, so i'm done collecting all the pictures for the RADIOS picnic. but before I start blabbering about what we did, maybe i should give you a brief intro on us. haha, yeah like some big stars. well, if you knew us, you'd agree 100% straightaway. okay fine, maybe to a certain extent. whattheheck!

so this is us. RADIOS - rashidah, atiqah, diyanah, zahidah, namirah and me, duhh. we really rocked our secondary school days. we got our name from this english teacher, who has lived on without getting caught by the fashion police. yes that teacher who always told us to shut up or " quieten down" in her class. those days were really the best, man. we practically got away with everything. from skipping class, to jumping over the fence, from making too much noise to copying assignments, and oh from irritating all the teachers and friends to getting a late slip on purpose. (did i tell you we all still kept that one late slip?) we were not the usual mischievous girls, we were in between naughty and nice. whatever that means. and and and whatever we do, wherever we went and with whom it was, we never failed to LAUGH OUT LOUD (like literally). there's always someone to make some lame things and then someone else to make fun of that person. oh no, we love each other too much to get angry.

(i'm using just the 1st letter of our names from here on)

so enough of those crazy, wild days of us. so we had a small picnic, though small isn't exactly the word to describe our actions. too bad zahidah couldn't make it, it could have been more memorable and fun. so the 5 of us made plans to meet up at 2, but i think all of us were excited somehow. D arrived at A's house at 12, i arrived at 1 and N about half an hour later. and yes, we arrived with those bags you'd think one carries if she's running away from home. and all those food, we felt like we were climbing mt. ledang! when we got R's call that she's on her way to bedok inter, all started heading there because R told us not be late. she went out of her house at 2, and we were supposed to meet at bedok inter at 2. yes, how ironic!

so we headed to east coast park and did lots of catching up on the bus, though it was more between R and N. funny how they know each other's friends oh-so-well when they belong to different poly. that's how close we are with each other, up till now.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

-Elizabeth Foley


and once we were at ecp, the fun begins. i'll let my pictures take over from here.

yes, 1st we start to pitch the tent. not so small of a picnic idea you got, right? eh, this is part of our bonding session okay! we even competed with another family nearby, though they never bothered us. lucky thing we had a former SPL and girl guide to help out. this picture is the only action that i did; so you go on and guess how much i did try to help.

the 2 belos who just looked on, especially R! i think she plays the encouragement role!
this is the new trend on how to clip your hair. one small clip at the center to hold all that strands of hair from blocking your eyes. i present to you trendsetter 2008, ms rashidah yaacob. you may ignore my cute expression, but you have to take note of that dark cloud behind.we got a tent, and R had some unwanted attention. LOL. (of course, i'm joking!)D was all worn out pitching the tent while giving instructions on how to do so. yes, she sat on the rope. no, nothing happened.as you can see, our run-away-from-home bags.

because D, N and i was so excited about the tent, we quickly settled in it. and not letting A and R enter. actually, they were the ones who said it was hot inside. so they enjoyed the breeze just outside.then we started taking pictures, as ordered by A.
you must look at R's expression. oh-so-unglam!

we laid some newspapers inside the tent, just in case we spilled food or drinks, which i did. that was expected of me, right?

did i tell you that R was my 1st best friend i made in Damai? we go on till now of course!
there's the sun, and there's the dark cloud.
and all started taking pictures of it.
then the oh-so-famous jump shots.

and next, into the water we go.squeeeeezzzeee! R was too busy playing in the water.
sorry R and N, for coming in late into the picture which thus resulted in your faces being blocked by A's big smile.

then the sun came up again!
i jumped for joy.A and N were pleased, D was lost.step survivor at ecp. haha!
wrote our names on the sand, and posed and posed.


then we start to bury R with sand. gosh that was soooo fun. because she kept on laughing when sand fell on her neck. then i purposely tickled her neck and recorded her cute giggle. and oh we start to shape her up with the perfect body, if you get what i mean. wrong expression here. she had trouble breathing because we put a lot of sand on her and it was sooo heavy.
i was just too tired from all the laughing at R's reactions.
then we went up to our tent. all was tired and hungry! so A took out all the food. because we were wet and sandy, we just ast outisde while A did all the cleaning inside the tent.

then the rain finally came.luckily, we were somewhat dried up so we quickly went into the tent. good thing D suggested to bring it, because i forced all to bring their own umbrella before the picnic. it was the rainy season and the news said it was going to rain all day! oh and R said,
Rashidah: is it raining now?
she commented approximately 5 mins after getting into the tent.took more pictures of course. but most of all, we were tired. R went on her 2nd round of fried rice, D was lying down and N was just beside me. then i accompanied R to the ladies because she had sand all over. the other 3 just stayed inside the tent because it was raining. then i had to leave. but D, N, R and A stayed on till about 8 i think. R did more eating and looked at the pictures for the day. D and A talked about their school stuffs, or rather people. N fell asleep, i think. obviously this was all after the picture taken below.and our rubbish; besides the rubbish thing we did/talk, we ate alot too; so that explains.but above all, EVERYONE was happy. so home sweet home next.that was it. WHAT A LONG DAY. the picnic to remember. though i insist Z should have come down. but she was tired. nevermind. there'll be other times. gosh, i wish we can really do this every month. i don't mind. obviously because they are my always-loved girlfriends. even if we don't really behave like girls, who cares?

now that's all. what a long post huh? somewhat different from the usual emo-shiht nothing-to-do-with-you kind of posts. gosh, i miss my girls so much. I remember how N and A would irritate me with their constant stories and then D and I would end up getting angry because we couldn't pay attention during SS/history. and R and Z will be either sleeping or playing some SOS game. and oh, the things we do during class are just beyond control! and i still remember the time when the 6 of us just walked out of class to go to the toilet during physics. no, you just don't need to ask the teacher. the door is open. then the whole class will be wondering where we went. and oh, you can't forget the malay boys too. faiz, gaurav, acik and fareez - they're seriously jokers. BIG time!

alright enough already, or i won't stop. if you want to hear more, meet me at 6th Avenue tonight.

p.s OMG finally you made it!
p.s.s it's nice to know you were here too.

(enter my name here)

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