I am so doomed. I'll tell you why.

H2 Economics: U
H2 Geegraphy: U
H2 Sastera: {still pending} U
H1 Maths: S
General Paper: E

I told you I'm so dead. Trying hard is no longer an option for me. My best needs to be better. This lifestyle - carefree, smiling and laughing, taking things slow, laid-back and all the go with the flow kind-of-thing - needs to stop right now. Problem is, all the 'I-can-do-this-shit' that I say to myself is not working. Exactly, procrastination is a serial killer. But I'm scared. I'm not usually like this, but I'm really freaking out {though I don't show it in any way}. The worse thing is, it's making me give up every single time {but I'm just not a quitter, and I know that}. And if I ever let down the 2 people who pinned so much hope on me, I'll never forgive myself.

Really, the nagging is so much better than the nice, comforting words. It's a different thing when you let down the teachers who expected so much more from you, and then they just won't say it. It's another thing to think {and know} that you've let down your parents, and not get even a word of warning from them at the end of the day. It's just not right, and makes you feel so much worse even if they don't mean that way.

What do you think I'd do now?
I cannot quit, because I can't even if I want to and I don't want to even if I can.

Anyway, PW results will be out tomorrow from 1030am onwards. After all the U that I've been getting for the entire week, even a pass now is more than enough. Let's just hope the whole group gets the A, and even if we don't, we still rock. Once an Illegal Downloader, always an Illegal Downloader. (How original!) Although that came out wrong, but whattheheck!

Oh and thanks Fadhilah, for getting me addicted to your pretty boy's song, Mirotic.


Suddenly I miss my radio sessions, and I need one with my favourite co-shosts of all time, Haniffa and Haikal so badly. OH and the dance sessions to 'Till the dawn'. Tsk, dang it. Fun is definitely an understatement.

This feeling is killing me. This feeling doesn't feel right. This feeling - I don't like it anymore. This feeling, amonst all other feelings, I can't stop me from feeling this way. Whatever the feeling is, I'm sick and tired of them all. Do you know how tiring it is, to always and only be looking at your back? It's like I can only be there now. Do you know how pathetic it is, to only dare to look at you when you're not looking? I must be really blind. Do you how stupid I feel, to go on being so bothered when I don't want to? I never should have stayed back for you, or called you back that day, or wished you'd come looking, or thought about anything for us, or just be the loser that I am now. What more can I say - we're done here, aren't we? And so what if I can't get over it, you obviously have and are happy living life anyway. You've never even asked a single question, or try to talk to me anymore. Well done, you've proven yourself to be just like those that you oh-so-hate - you're one of them. And just like you, am I not doing nothing now too?

Someone: What do you do when someone disappoints you?

Me: (with the confident straight face and expressionless) Nothing, just move on ah.

Yeah right, of course.