apparently sometimes even when you don't have PMS, people just never fail to get on your nerves. and when you think that the day which started off better than you'd expect it to, will end with a simple happily-ever-after, someone will just have to spoil it all. not spelling names here, oh no.
i'll be too scared to hurt the feelings of these humans. but please,
i'm getting far too tired here. and stop thinking it's not you!
i am a student here.
i'm not born with a frigging silver spoon in my mouth, and
i'm not even working okay. i need to save, and get this: the money's not staying with me long enough.
everytime i thought that maybe i can save some here and there and maybe i can buy that 2009 planner
i've been eyeing, someone will just have to steal that money from me. gosh hello?! for once in my life, i want to say this out loud oh-so-much: THANK YOU mom and dad for always restricting my freedom.
tonight, i don't want to go out. tonight, i don't want to have fun. tonight, i don't want to be free from you. tonight, i don't want to fight with you. tonight, i don't want to ask you money anymore.
tonight, i want you to lock me in my room.i am frigging embarrassed to always be asking money from my mom so i could go out and be a 7teen year old girl. i do have savings, but i need to keep them just in case i need to buy some stuff for next year. my dad has been asking me if i am keeping money for my school stuffs next year, and honestly i think what he wants to really ask is how much i can pay for my expenses for next year. oh no, they're not going back on their responsibilities, trust me they aren't. and we aren't that poor too, oh no people. but even i think that i should start thinking about how i spend my money. you feel guilty lying to your parents, i feel guilty asking money from them.
there are 2 souls who work their ass off to give my brothers and i a happy, comfortable life and are doing their best to make ends meet, and all i do is spend what they've earned oh-so-hard? no,
i'm not that kind of daughter. tonight i want to be one of those daddy's girl and mommy's princess, who stand up and say how much i want to be the best daughter in the world for my parents. i want to make their dreams come true: their one and only, which is to see my dreams come true. if there ever come a time where i wished i wasn't myself or that i would do anything it takes to be somebody else just so i can not live this pathetic self anymore, this is going to be the post that
i'll read again and again.
i'll remind myself of this feeling. the kind of feeling where i thank my parents for being who they are, even if they are from mars. because they are truly just the right kind of parents for me, even if they make me the official full-time security guard of our home. this kind of feeling where i want to be their perfect daughter and a proud member of this household.
really i am not pointing fingers to anyone, and i am not spelling names here, and if you get hurt reading this then: 1)
i'm sorry you are, and 2) thank god you get this message.
i'm strapped here, and i don't need any more people to keep asking me to get out of the house. yes i do want to enjoy the holiday and go out and have fun and see my friends, do more catching up even if there's none left to do, but seriously, tonight and for some other nights from now on, i want to stay at home. go to hell if you wish to see
alice in wonderland,
i'm not bothered at all. too bad i can't make it, but
i'll keep myself occupied somehow.
and you know what? i hate
people who think they can think what i am thinking. don't make decisions for me. don't even think of assuming my decisions here. i swear
i'll come after you if you ever dare to do this frigging mistake again. and don't you dare think you're not this person
i'm talking about. not that
i'm asking for any apologies or need you begging me, i just need some
respect.
i'm just human okay. even if i
have dreams to be
wondergirl, i can never be. i know and you should know this too - i get tired, i get angry, i cry, i roll on the floor laughing and i sleep. i don't do extraordinary much.
don't apologise if you feel guilty.
don't ask if you want to know.
don't pretend if you are lost guessing.
don't admit if you are wrong.
and lastly, don't pity me.
p.s this is one of those
entries i make you feel bad.
p.s.s thank me if i did a good job. otherwise, we're cool.
on a happy note, THANKS to those who i've spend 10th and 11th with. you guys rock!more details some other time.
(enter my name here)
