Saturday, November 15, 2008
I wished, I wondered.
12:40:00 PM
currently, there should be over 6 billion people in this world.
6 billion souls.
6 billion different individuals.
6 billion lives.
6 billion stories.
6 billion of them all.
now it's funny how amongst those 6 billion strangers, it could take only one person to make your oh-so-HAPPY days into UHhappy ones. it's funny how something so small could affect you in many different ways. it's funny how one billionth millionth millisecond of a moment on a saturday morning can change your whole life. oh yes, the butterfly effect. what was it again? i forgot. (no, it didn't happen to me.)
some nights before i go to sleep, i would be seeing my whole day flash right before my eyes. and i would realise how many people have disappointed me. how they act, what they say and why they do some things just disappoint me to some extent that i wished i could play god and change those silly decisions. then i go to sleep, praying that tomorrow would be a better day. no way in hell would i ever let those disappointments in my oh-so-happening life affect me.
sometimes, i'd cry myself to sleep.
sometimes i'd force myself to sleep.
sometimes, i'd just need to close these eyes.
other times, i end up staring at my ceiling.
the next morning, when i woke up, i realise that yesterday night was nothing but crap. all those things i said about the disappointment were the things i made up to avoid the blame. i can be good at twisting words. then i realise that instead, i was the disappointment. i was so worried about how people would disappoint me, when i end up being the silly party here. so i'll take the blame and be sad. a wise friend of mine once said, the last stage of grief is acceptance. today i wondered if i'll ever complete the last stage. i won't press the quit button. somehow, someday, sometime, it'll be over.
ask me not of this depressing and emo-shit (whatever you may want to call it) post, because i have no answers too. what is important is that life is not about the balcks and whites. there are the grey areas where we aways get ourselves trapped into. i'm not perfect and i don't expect you to be either. but i do expect an apology.
and fyi, there are 3 steps to apologizing.
1. say i'm sorry.
2. it was my fault too.
3. how do i make it right?
most of the people i know never have a problem doing the 1st two steps. but then again, many of us forgot the 3rd and most important step. i forgot too. so did you.
sidetrack here: i think i'll miss your perfect, charming little selfish walk around school.
(enter my name here)Labels: pause, play, rewind
